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It just hit me that I've been so busy fighting fires, I've been lax in terms of LJ.
I missed tons of posts and Sweets' birthday.
Sorry, y'all.
There's been ups and downs.

I'll start with an up. I was running around in the rain yesterday, refereeing soccer games again. But this time it was on the big field by my old elementary school, a 3 minute jog from my parents' house. It was a strange ennui that hit me when I stopped to think about how those fields used to appear to me. How the sledding hill used to be higher. How the school itself used to look taller. How the trees at the edge of the grounds seemed further. My world is bigger than it used to be, and it makes everything in it smaller by comparison. Even the whistles and the screaming parents and coaches blended into the general soccer scene, which to me wasn't out of place in that mental image I was calling up.

If I hadn't been so cold from the wind, I would've gone and played on the playground after my last game. Though that's changed the most, having been mostly revamped since I played on it. Lots of metal things now replaced by plastic. I may go back just to walk around. The middle school's on the other side of some trees and may still have the frisbee golf course around the fringe of its grounds.

I'll write more soon. In the meantime, I keep getting Radiohead stuck rattling around my brain. How To Disappear Completely, Street Spirit [fade out], etc.

I do fade in and out. Always have. Constantly inconstant, but generally consistent. Paradox and change.

- Pookah

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