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TMQ Laws Becoming Theorems Via Proof

Since becoming a season ticketholder of the Baltimore Ravens, I’ve detailed several of the Tuesday Morning Quarterback (TMQ) laws of football to other people. Today as the Browns went down to defeat again were several examples of TMQ laws at work.

For reference, I'll link to last week's TMQ post.

Cheer-Babe Professionalism Watch Redux:
At the opening kickoff, the Ravens cheerleaders were in small white outfits with a healthy dose of cleavage as shown on their website. At some point during the first quarter, the Nevermores offense turned sour and was picked off twice. Strangely enough, the cheer-babes did a routine between the first and second quarters … in white babydoll tees and loose-fitting mottled purple pants. I noticed the football gods must have been angered and pointed it out to people nearby. In the third quarter, the cheer-babes were back in their “pleasingly revealing” outfits from earlier, the football gods were appeased and the Ravens picked off the Browns twice very quickly to start the second half.

More Evidence Harbaugh Reads TMQ:
Baltimore was 2 of 3 on 4th down attempts to gain yards (i.e. non-kicks). They went for it on 4th and 2 at the Cleveland 49 in the 1st quarter (success) and on 4th and 1 with 7:32 left in the game (success) on the 9-minute drive that put the game out of reach. They also tried on 4th and 3 at the Cleveland 5 after the 2 minute warning (failed), but this was a courtesy step! A field goal at that point would have been 31-10 and still a three score game. A run up the middle for practically no gain simply took more time off the clock instead of a useless score run-up.

More Evidence Crennel Does Not Read TMQ:
Hot on the heels of a Buck-Buck-Brawk call-out from last week, Cleveland punted from the Baltimore 38, the Cleveland 45, . Then again, Cleveland had statistically unlikely chances to go for it on 4th down.
Cleveland YTG on 4th down: 8 (punt), 18 (punt), 8 (field goal), 10 (punt), 20 (punt), 18 (punt), 4 (punt??), 24 (punt).

The Football Gods Speak in Fours
In fact, after choosing to punt on 4th and 4 from the Cleveland 44 with 14 minutes left in the 4th quarter, the last two Cleveland drives were for -14 yards and an immediate interception. Betting on what was written in TMQ’s notebook after that kick boomed has been taken off the board.

Gregg Easterbrook is clearly catching onto something. He, watching the same games, has probably already written some of this himself. I doubt that game is worth all of this commentary in a TMQ column, but I can certainly spend the journal space on my hometown Ravens.

Next week brings an away game on Monday night at Pittsburgh, and I expect they'll be fired up after what transpired in Philadelphia. I'm still curious how all that went down, since it was at the same time as the Ravens game.

- Pookah

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