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Well, I wish I could say that I got the daycycle under control, but we'll see. Camping was fun and mostly relaxing, but sharing a tent with five other people (it was a big tent) is a little rough when one of the six forgets their anti-snoring medication. At least the lack of electric light meant I had to get to sleep at a more human hour.

Kinda burned that a bit tonight, but I was stalling, I admit it. That, plus trying not to think about how my frustrations got vented improperly during the game. As a goalie, I've always been chatty. Very chatty. And I've warned all the players to tell me when to shut up.

Tonight, I blew one save, but most of the rest of the goals I gave up were from fast breaks. And on one kickoff, the two best players on the other team lined up quickly and took advantage of our team being lackadaisical in switching in substitutes. They came tearing up the middle, and there wasn't much I could do. I was yelling for people to come to the middle ... and after they scored I muttered, "And that's why." As much out of frustration at myself as anything else. The novice player on defense stared at me and said "You don't need to say it like that." I've felt guilty since then. I mean, I'd have yelled at Pele to get to the middle, and still muttered about why. My competitive streak makes me take it personal. Part of that whole personal self-improvement drive thing. Accepting nothing less than perfection. Makes for good motivation, but not good for peace. That's most of what I thought about on the way back north from the soccerplex. As much as I enjoy it, if she quits because of what I said, I'd rather leave the team. I can join a Tuesday night league (standing offer) or find another team or even bail. I don't want it that much.

A case of finding myself a bit too stressed out for my own good. I mean, I try to stretch to put everything and everyone into my life. Do everything I want to do. It's tough. And the more I try to do, the tougher it is to do it all well. That seems to be the trick. A lesson I may never learn, or try to push the envelope on. Until my priorities change, at least.

We'll see what comes.

- Pookah

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