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Stresskitty

That's a nickname I have for my stuffed cheetah. He helps me out on airplanes as they get turbulence or come in for a landing. He fits perfectly between my side and elbow.

I'm headed into work, shortly, after a 2 hour-ish nap. It's deployment night, and it took 11 months of this project and most of a year before that on a prototype to get here. I didn't think I was going to drive home for the evening, but decided it was worth it even through the traffic was ATROCIOUS getting here. I-95 southbound was stopped completely, I just had to deal with the rubbernecking and other not-full-stop traffic jams.

I've superceded nervousness, cresting above it like I'm flying and breaking through the cloud barrier. I've had this feeling before, in the waiting room right before my endoscopy whenever that was. I was more scared then. This time there's something else there. I don't know. Maybe it's that I'll have coworkers to help. I'm not sure.

It's not a total contributing factor, but after my nap I went rummaging through comic books looking for ... well ... skipping to the end, I ended up re-finding Strangers in Paradise, a comic book drama that had a million plot twists, a zany sense of humor and a character named David. So I'm biased, I admit it. It's also the only comic book I can remember that I can honestly say moved me to tears. That part of the story was the part I found in the shelf. I had to go back and look and re-read. Couldn't help it.

I should feel better coming out of this on the other side. Should. Don't know. I'm not normally this nervous going into a release. I look at it and realize that coming up to this date I've been able to lock down certain things and take the "general consensus" top concerns about the concepts we're implementing and eliminate them ruthlessly, driving through them to come up with the shreds of proof to silence critics or at least give them enough pause to grudgingly admit that it might work. And it's now things I had taken for granted are the latest concerns of the day. No matter what I did, I couldn't have covered it all. There was just too much to do to get here, and even then I worked my tail off to make the things happen that actually came through.

Forgive my personal pep talking, but maybe I think I need to hear it. Read it. Whatever. You know what I mean, if you've read much of this journal besides this post.

I got to play with my daughter for 15 minutes before my nap. That and a hug made the extra driving and lost sleep ... trivial. I remember thinking to myself on the way home as I sat in the car and my legs ACHED already that "I'm never doing this again." Well, I got a bit of a nap. I'll be up for 12 hours at least and driving for at least 2 of those if not more. And now, thinking back, I think I'd do it again.

It's a pity I can't stick around for fresh cinnamon buns before I have to go, but it was a nice offer. Maybe tomorrow. They will taste sweeter after tonight.

Wish me luck.

- Pookah

Comments

( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
dazaharia
May. 30th, 2009 02:51 am (UTC)
Good luck.
differentnerd
May. 30th, 2009 07:39 am (UTC)
Dittos!
evadd4w6
May. 30th, 2009 02:38 pm (UTC)
good luck, ICE man.
( 3 comments — Leave a comment )

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